my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
