He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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