I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
