I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
