Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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