Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
