he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
