And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You may now shotgun with the bride
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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