you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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