I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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