Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
