Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
