This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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