so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
