It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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