everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he was CRYING into my vagina
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
