so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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