its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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