I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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