It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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