Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i think my mom watched the whole time
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
operation harelip BJ is a go
she told me i tasted like america
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
