Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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