Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize