you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
