my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
