Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
