Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
