M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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