what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
