I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i dont even know how to be here
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
