i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
