Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
