i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
