I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
