is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
