How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
