i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
