I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
