I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
birth control should be required to get into college
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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