you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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