I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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