So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
