just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I am one with the molecules
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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