Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
