how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
