i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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