We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
