How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
