can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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