Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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