Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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