I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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