Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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