Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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