apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
