I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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