i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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