the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
