The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My room smells like vodka and shame
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This is my gift to your gina
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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