You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
