bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
