We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
