Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
