stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
