We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
