Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
