She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
