I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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