I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
