There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
