Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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