I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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