My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Im part way to drunk.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
