we're blogging at a bar
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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