This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I smell stomach acid.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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