I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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