is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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