you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just google imaged poop.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
