i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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