a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
