for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
