It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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