I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
