"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
