...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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