i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
