my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
