Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
