Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
