i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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