Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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